This blog post of his comes from Badges that Care. I'm shamelessly reprinting it here, with full credit to Jeff. The original is can be found here. I've added extra emphasis in some areas, and a link to order the book he's referring to. You may have to read this a couple of times to let it soak in.
PRAISE - A glimpse of the gift of His grace in our lives, 10.21.09 by Jeff
from Badges that Care by Jeff Billingsley
I hope you're having an absolutely great day. I talked to some friends that are missionaries in Cambodia this morning and they had already dealt with Wednesday and assured me that it was a great day. As I'm typing this it is around 7pm in Memphis on Wednesday and it is 7am on Thursday in Cambodia. They are exactly 12 hours ahead of us. My friends were right. It was a great day. Have you ever had God tell you to do something? Tonight is one of those nights for me. I need to be asleep. I was in in-service training today and have to work tonight. I went to sleep at a fairly decent time and laid there. And laid there. And laid there some more. I've been busy doing the workout plan and haven't added anything to the website in a week or so. I had planned to do add some things tonight but over and over He told me to write about my grace experience and not wait until tonight. Sleep isn't gonna happen until I am obedient and do what He says and most especially when He says He wants it done.
I was talking to a firefighter online a couple of days ago and mentioned our group to him. His response was both the funniest thing I have heard in a while and also the saddest. "Oh no Jeff, I'm not good enough for that." Good enough? I asked him to explain what he meant about that. For the next two minutes he shared a laundry list of issues that he is dealing with or has dealt with in his life. As I mentally compared my life to his list, we weren't that different. Divorce, unhappiness, a critical spirit, etc. His statement was funny to me because for years I didn't see much "good" about Jeff. Yeah, there were good parts that I was quite thankful for but those negatives that I have worked on always seemed to take center stage in my life. If there was a country made up of dufuses in this world, I would have a pretty good shot at being their prime minister. It was one of the saddest things I've heard in a while because my dear friend hadn't truly learned about God's grace and mercy. Forget what I did on October 21, 2009, because of the sin of Adam, I arrived in San Pablo CA in March of 1968 a sinner. His commandments are incredible. Read each one. Yeah, you may be able to obey a few on your own, but all of them? Never. It's not gonna happen. We are fallen people in a fallen world. The stench of sin is all over us. I really think they are designed to be impossible to completely obey by design. To teach us that we cannot obey all that He commands on our own and to illuminate in no uncertain terms our incredible need for Jesus. How much does God love us? He gave His Son for my sins and yours. Before the universe was spoken into existence He planned my life and He planned your life. And He planned the means for a living sacrifice for our sins, the death and resurrection of Jesus. So before I even arrived He knew I would need a Savior. How amazing and wonderful is that! I don't have the words to relate. I don't have any kids of my own but I claim quite a few nephews and I can tell you that given the decision to give up one of my nephews to be sacrificed for people I didn't know who would sin some more just doesn't seem like something I would volunteer my nephews to do. And most certainly not as freely as God gave His son for me. I and the rest of us could learn some more about obedence from Abraham's faith when God told him to sacrifice his son. As I have started reading my Bible much much more lately I've seen example, example, and example of His great faithfulness. He told Abraham that he would have a son in his old age and he did. God to him could do anything but fail. Abraham was a believer.
I love to read and one of the books I've thoroughly enjoyed recently was "The Ragamuffin Gospel." It's an incredible book. You can imagine that ragamuffins don't exactly have their act together. It opened up my faith to, as my pastor would say, "a whole nutha level." He loves us just as we are. Have you noticed that many churches sing the song "Just as I am" during the invitation. We say yes to the invitation and then put God in our God-sized box. It is one of the more honest books you will read about hurting people and the churches response to them as a whole. "The institutional church has become a wounder of the healers rather than a healer of the wounded" is a sad commentary on the McDonald's drive thru experience that most people have with their hurts and the churches response to them. "Put bluntly, the American church today accepts grace in theory but denies it in practice." "Personal responsibility has replaced personal response. We talk about acquiring virtue as if it were a skill that can be attained, like good handwriting or a well-grooved golf swing." "Sooner or later we are confronted with the painful truth of our inadequacy and insufficiency. Our security and our bootstraps are cut. Once the fervor has passed, weakness and infidelity appear. We discover our inability to add even a single inch to our spiritual stature." "There begins a long winter of discontent that eventually flowers into gloom, pessimism, and a subtle despair - subtle because it goes unrecognized, unnoticed, and therefore unchallenged. It takes the form of boredom, drudgery. We are overcome by the ordinariness of life, by daily duties done over and over again (another day, another dollar, is it Wednesday or Friday yet?) We secretly admit that the call of Jesus is too demanding, that surrender to the Spirit beyond our reach. We start acting like everyone else. Life takes on a joyless, empty quality." "Our huffing and puffing to impress God, our scrambling for brownie points, our thrashing about trying to fix ourselves while hiding our pettiness and wallowing in guilt are nauseating to God and a flat out denial of the gospel of grace." I have never quoted someone that much (many thanks to Brennan Manning, the author. His words not mine, expect for the another dollar statement.) You utterly cannot do this by yourself and any attempt will lead you completely depleted in so many ways. God's grace is His simple but incredible statement that you are ACCEPTED! Not because of what you have done, who you were kin to, or who you are. Rather, grace is based on who's you are. Son or daughter of the Most High King. Now that's a connection! Just as surely as Jesus had meals with tax collectors and the lowest of the socio-economic ladder, my precious friend is ACCEPTED, WORTHY OF HIS GRACE, and WELCOMED HERE WITH OPEN ARMS.
For years I have been critical of myself. Criticism? I don't need your criticism. I can beat myself up very well, thank you. And believe me, I know my flaws better then you do. But what did I do everytime I did that? Besides running through my self esteem with a John Deere bulldozer? I was making a big bold statement that God's work wasn't good enough in my life and in the end He made junk. He doesn't make junk. He made each of us unique. In a career field full of identical uniforms driving identical cars and enforcing identical laws, we kinda forget we are unique. God has a plan for my life and He gave me the tools to accomplish that. But how many times do we try and compare ourselves to others? When we do compare ourselves to others, when do we ever believe we are better? Very seldom. We look at others and see negatives in ourselves. We want to be like others. Only problem is if I tried to be another Michael Jordan (no worries about that happening), when it's all said and done, I'm still #2 to Michael Jordan instead of being the best (read that #1) Jeff Billingsley, lover of Jesus, lover of people, police officer that I can possibly be. I mentioned maybe a page or so of direct quotations but this book is 260+ pages long. It opened my eyes in so many ways. It starts with understanding that He accepts you. Just the way you are. And ya know He knows about flaws in me that I haven't noticed yet. Now knowing all of that He still loves ME! And He still loves YOU! Next we have to accept ourselves. And forgive ourselves. I forgive myself for being 5'10" instead of 6' 3". I forgive myself for this in my life. That in my life. Once it finally clicks and you understand that He accepts you just the way you are, it takes almost no effort to love Him. Praise comes out of your mouth just because. He can take away depression and despair from your life and replace it with peace and joy. I can tell you that He can do that because He has in my life. Not much has changed in my life in the last few months. I still work where I work. I still live where I live. I still look the same in the mirror. The change He brings to your life starts in your heart and trickles out to every part. That's so much better then what we all normally do for the most part -- wear the happy, "everything is fine" mask when you know good and well life isn't just fine. Below is the final Manning writing I'm gonna share with you. I make no apology for attempting to whet your appetite for a deeper understanding of His grace and ultimately a deeper love for Him. A deeper love for Him will transform your life and trickle down to your family, your co-workers, and the people that we have the priviledge of serving. Go over to Amazon and order it. Even the way I obtained this book just reeks of His incredible favor in my life. I had heard of it a few years ago. For some reason it never got on my radar screen. I saw it on the shelf of a Goodwill store while taking a friend from out of town on a Goodwill shopping expedition. It's one of the best $2.25 that I have ever spent on a book.
"We all have shadows and skeletons in our backgrounds. But listen, there is something bigger in this world than we are and that something bigger is full of grace and mercy, patience and ingenuity. The moment the focus of your life shifts from your badness to His goodness and the question becomes not "What have I done?" but "What can He do?" release from remorse can happen; miracle of miracles, you can forgive yourself because you are forgiven, accept yourself because you are accepted, and begin to start building up the very places you once tore down. There is grace to help in every time of trouble. That grace is the secret to being able to forgive ourselves. Trust it."
Brennen Manning, author of "The Ragamuffin Gospel."
"Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.
Jonah 2:8, NIV (part of his prayer in the belly of the whale)
For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.
John 1:17, NIV
No! We believe it is through the grace of our Lord Jesus that we are saved, just as they are."
Acts 15:11, NIV
My prayer for you is a simple one. I pray that you accept and forgive yourself. I pray you learn more about His incredible gift of grace to our lives and that it causes you to press in and love Him even more. I pray you let God out of YOUR God-sized box and pursue His greatest dreams for your life. He is a big God. Dream big dreams. Stay safe and thank you for all that you do for His people.
I'm now done with this writing and far from being tired because I didn't take my nap, I feel absolutely great. His gift of grace carries me.
With His GRACE and peace,
Jeff
I was talking to a firefighter online a couple of days ago and mentioned our group to him. His response was both the funniest thing I have heard in a while and also the saddest. "Oh no Jeff, I'm not good enough for that." Good enough? I asked him to explain what he meant about that. For the next two minutes he shared a laundry list of issues that he is dealing with or has dealt with in his life. As I mentally compared my life to his list, we weren't that different. Divorce, unhappiness, a critical spirit, etc. His statement was funny to me because for years I didn't see much "good" about Jeff. Yeah, there were good parts that I was quite thankful for but those negatives that I have worked on always seemed to take center stage in my life. If there was a country made up of dufuses in this world, I would have a pretty good shot at being their prime minister. It was one of the saddest things I've heard in a while because my dear friend hadn't truly learned about God's grace and mercy. Forget what I did on October 21, 2009, because of the sin of Adam, I arrived in San Pablo CA in March of 1968 a sinner. His commandments are incredible. Read each one. Yeah, you may be able to obey a few on your own, but all of them? Never. It's not gonna happen. We are fallen people in a fallen world. The stench of sin is all over us. I really think they are designed to be impossible to completely obey by design. To teach us that we cannot obey all that He commands on our own and to illuminate in no uncertain terms our incredible need for Jesus. How much does God love us? He gave His Son for my sins and yours. Before the universe was spoken into existence He planned my life and He planned your life. And He planned the means for a living sacrifice for our sins, the death and resurrection of Jesus. So before I even arrived He knew I would need a Savior. How amazing and wonderful is that! I don't have the words to relate. I don't have any kids of my own but I claim quite a few nephews and I can tell you that given the decision to give up one of my nephews to be sacrificed for people I didn't know who would sin some more just doesn't seem like something I would volunteer my nephews to do. And most certainly not as freely as God gave His son for me. I and the rest of us could learn some more about obedence from Abraham's faith when God told him to sacrifice his son. As I have started reading my Bible much much more lately I've seen example, example, and example of His great faithfulness. He told Abraham that he would have a son in his old age and he did. God to him could do anything but fail. Abraham was a believer.
I love to read and one of the books I've thoroughly enjoyed recently was "The Ragamuffin Gospel." It's an incredible book. You can imagine that ragamuffins don't exactly have their act together. It opened up my faith to, as my pastor would say, "a whole nutha level." He loves us just as we are. Have you noticed that many churches sing the song "Just as I am" during the invitation. We say yes to the invitation and then put God in our God-sized box. It is one of the more honest books you will read about hurting people and the churches response to them as a whole. "The institutional church has become a wounder of the healers rather than a healer of the wounded" is a sad commentary on the McDonald's drive thru experience that most people have with their hurts and the churches response to them. "Put bluntly, the American church today accepts grace in theory but denies it in practice." "Personal responsibility has replaced personal response. We talk about acquiring virtue as if it were a skill that can be attained, like good handwriting or a well-grooved golf swing." "Sooner or later we are confronted with the painful truth of our inadequacy and insufficiency. Our security and our bootstraps are cut. Once the fervor has passed, weakness and infidelity appear. We discover our inability to add even a single inch to our spiritual stature." "There begins a long winter of discontent that eventually flowers into gloom, pessimism, and a subtle despair - subtle because it goes unrecognized, unnoticed, and therefore unchallenged. It takes the form of boredom, drudgery. We are overcome by the ordinariness of life, by daily duties done over and over again (another day, another dollar, is it Wednesday or Friday yet?) We secretly admit that the call of Jesus is too demanding, that surrender to the Spirit beyond our reach. We start acting like everyone else. Life takes on a joyless, empty quality." "Our huffing and puffing to impress God, our scrambling for brownie points, our thrashing about trying to fix ourselves while hiding our pettiness and wallowing in guilt are nauseating to God and a flat out denial of the gospel of grace." I have never quoted someone that much (many thanks to Brennan Manning, the author. His words not mine, expect for the another dollar statement.) You utterly cannot do this by yourself and any attempt will lead you completely depleted in so many ways. God's grace is His simple but incredible statement that you are ACCEPTED! Not because of what you have done, who you were kin to, or who you are. Rather, grace is based on who's you are. Son or daughter of the Most High King. Now that's a connection! Just as surely as Jesus had meals with tax collectors and the lowest of the socio-economic ladder, my precious friend is ACCEPTED, WORTHY OF HIS GRACE, and WELCOMED HERE WITH OPEN ARMS.
For years I have been critical of myself. Criticism? I don't need your criticism. I can beat myself up very well, thank you. And believe me, I know my flaws better then you do. But what did I do everytime I did that? Besides running through my self esteem with a John Deere bulldozer? I was making a big bold statement that God's work wasn't good enough in my life and in the end He made junk. He doesn't make junk. He made each of us unique. In a career field full of identical uniforms driving identical cars and enforcing identical laws, we kinda forget we are unique. God has a plan for my life and He gave me the tools to accomplish that. But how many times do we try and compare ourselves to others? When we do compare ourselves to others, when do we ever believe we are better? Very seldom. We look at others and see negatives in ourselves. We want to be like others. Only problem is if I tried to be another Michael Jordan (no worries about that happening), when it's all said and done, I'm still #2 to Michael Jordan instead of being the best (read that #1) Jeff Billingsley, lover of Jesus, lover of people, police officer that I can possibly be. I mentioned maybe a page or so of direct quotations but this book is 260+ pages long. It opened my eyes in so many ways. It starts with understanding that He accepts you. Just the way you are. And ya know He knows about flaws in me that I haven't noticed yet. Now knowing all of that He still loves ME! And He still loves YOU! Next we have to accept ourselves. And forgive ourselves. I forgive myself for being 5'10" instead of 6' 3". I forgive myself for this in my life. That in my life. Once it finally clicks and you understand that He accepts you just the way you are, it takes almost no effort to love Him. Praise comes out of your mouth just because. He can take away depression and despair from your life and replace it with peace and joy. I can tell you that He can do that because He has in my life. Not much has changed in my life in the last few months. I still work where I work. I still live where I live. I still look the same in the mirror. The change He brings to your life starts in your heart and trickles out to every part. That's so much better then what we all normally do for the most part -- wear the happy, "everything is fine" mask when you know good and well life isn't just fine. Below is the final Manning writing I'm gonna share with you. I make no apology for attempting to whet your appetite for a deeper understanding of His grace and ultimately a deeper love for Him. A deeper love for Him will transform your life and trickle down to your family, your co-workers, and the people that we have the priviledge of serving. Go over to Amazon and order it. Even the way I obtained this book just reeks of His incredible favor in my life. I had heard of it a few years ago. For some reason it never got on my radar screen. I saw it on the shelf of a Goodwill store while taking a friend from out of town on a Goodwill shopping expedition. It's one of the best $2.25 that I have ever spent on a book.
"We all have shadows and skeletons in our backgrounds. But listen, there is something bigger in this world than we are and that something bigger is full of grace and mercy, patience and ingenuity. The moment the focus of your life shifts from your badness to His goodness and the question becomes not "What have I done?" but "What can He do?" release from remorse can happen; miracle of miracles, you can forgive yourself because you are forgiven, accept yourself because you are accepted, and begin to start building up the very places you once tore down. There is grace to help in every time of trouble. That grace is the secret to being able to forgive ourselves. Trust it."
Brennen Manning, author of "The Ragamuffin Gospel."
"Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.
Jonah 2:8, NIV (part of his prayer in the belly of the whale)
For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.
John 1:17, NIV
No! We believe it is through the grace of our Lord Jesus that we are saved, just as they are."
Acts 15:11, NIV
My prayer for you is a simple one. I pray that you accept and forgive yourself. I pray you learn more about His incredible gift of grace to our lives and that it causes you to press in and love Him even more. I pray you let God out of YOUR God-sized box and pursue His greatest dreams for your life. He is a big God. Dream big dreams. Stay safe and thank you for all that you do for His people.
I'm now done with this writing and far from being tired because I didn't take my nap, I feel absolutely great. His gift of grace carries me.
With His GRACE and peace,
Jeff
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