---Blackberry in use---
Monday, May 31, 2010
Project 365/151
---Blackberry in use---
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Week 11 - Love Cherishes (along with some extra ramblings)
This week's installment on The Love Dare study almost didn't get done today. When I sat down to read and write, the "feeling" just wasn't there. Gone. Just plain gone.
But then I read the title for the week...."Love Cherishes." We'll get to that later. But first, its worth noting that I'm not too terribly happy with myself right now. I don't like the fact that my "soft" emotions are packed away very deep, and very tightly. Our word emotion comes from the French "emouvoir", which itself is from the Latin emovere, or literally "out move". Our word motivation also comes from the Latin root movere. Interesting isn't it...that emotion and motivation both come from the same root word?
For whatever reason, I've conditioned myself to keep those "soft" emotions stored away safely, in a place rarely seen by me...much less anyone else. "Soft" emotions are those that bring tears to my eyes, either through a loss, through pain, grief, disappointment or despair. They've been replaced by varying degrees of anger at myself, self-doubt, depression, anxiety, and guilt. I don't know why...that's just how it is.
So in a funk of dealing with those alternative emotions, I looked over on my desk at The Love Dare book. Knowing full well that it was time for my weekly study and installment here, I just wasn't in the mood. The longer I looked at it sitting there, I said "what the heck" and picked it up just to see what this week's title was. "Love Cherishes" the page screamed at me. Love Cherishes. Cherish - to hold or treat as dear, to feel love for; to care for tenderly, to nourish; to cling fondly to.
Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies ~ Ephesians 5:28
Cutting to the chase, we wouldn't be willing to simply cut off our hand if we broke it. We would gently nurse it back into shape, first with a cast, followed by strength training and careful attention. So it should be in our relationship. Just because something comes up - like disappointment - we don't need to throw it all away. If we truly cherish - hold as dear - that relationship, we'll nurse it back to health. To me, though, it's more important to recognize that disappointments WILL come up. Expect them. We don't date or marry perfect people. How we deal with those disappointments is what matters.
Through trials, I've learned that a successful relationship depends on open, frank, honest communication. No secrets, no measured words, no thoughts withheld. Those are the weeds in the flower bed. They'll grow quickly unless we're vigilant to keep them out.
Where is this going? My insecurities - those about myself - are coming between me and Therapist. She's been so good to me, and we have enjoyed a wonderful relationship so far. But today my insecurities led to a disappointment. And now I'm sitting here writing and reading my own words while I have an internal struggle with my insecurities. The bad thing about insecurity, is it leads to more insecurity. And I've been too insecure about my own insecurities to open them up to Therapist and our relationship. Did that make sense?
This walk though The Love Dare hasn't just been about learning how to love. I've got to learn to be loved, too. And today's lesson jumped off the pages and said "you've got to appreciate being cherished!"Maybe I do. I know I do.
I don't know what she sees in me. I doubt I ever will. But I do know she loves me in a way that I haven't felt in a long, long time. She's a friend, a good, true, close friend. I want to keep her around, and I plan to.
What is love? I may not be able to define it, but love is patient, it is kind, it is not selfish, it is thoughtful, not rude or irritable, it believes the best, and is not jealous, it makes good impressions and it is unconditional, and it cherishes. But above all, it is fun to love and to BE LOVED.
But then I read the title for the week...."Love Cherishes." We'll get to that later. But first, its worth noting that I'm not too terribly happy with myself right now. I don't like the fact that my "soft" emotions are packed away very deep, and very tightly. Our word emotion comes from the French "emouvoir", which itself is from the Latin emovere, or literally "out move". Our word motivation also comes from the Latin root movere. Interesting isn't it...that emotion and motivation both come from the same root word?
For whatever reason, I've conditioned myself to keep those "soft" emotions stored away safely, in a place rarely seen by me...much less anyone else. "Soft" emotions are those that bring tears to my eyes, either through a loss, through pain, grief, disappointment or despair. They've been replaced by varying degrees of anger at myself, self-doubt, depression, anxiety, and guilt. I don't know why...that's just how it is.
So in a funk of dealing with those alternative emotions, I looked over on my desk at The Love Dare book. Knowing full well that it was time for my weekly study and installment here, I just wasn't in the mood. The longer I looked at it sitting there, I said "what the heck" and picked it up just to see what this week's title was. "Love Cherishes" the page screamed at me. Love Cherishes. Cherish - to hold or treat as dear, to feel love for; to care for tenderly, to nourish; to cling fondly to.
Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies ~ Ephesians 5:28
Cutting to the chase, we wouldn't be willing to simply cut off our hand if we broke it. We would gently nurse it back into shape, first with a cast, followed by strength training and careful attention. So it should be in our relationship. Just because something comes up - like disappointment - we don't need to throw it all away. If we truly cherish - hold as dear - that relationship, we'll nurse it back to health. To me, though, it's more important to recognize that disappointments WILL come up. Expect them. We don't date or marry perfect people. How we deal with those disappointments is what matters.
Through trials, I've learned that a successful relationship depends on open, frank, honest communication. No secrets, no measured words, no thoughts withheld. Those are the weeds in the flower bed. They'll grow quickly unless we're vigilant to keep them out.
Where is this going? My insecurities - those about myself - are coming between me and Therapist. She's been so good to me, and we have enjoyed a wonderful relationship so far. But today my insecurities led to a disappointment. And now I'm sitting here writing and reading my own words while I have an internal struggle with my insecurities. The bad thing about insecurity, is it leads to more insecurity. And I've been too insecure about my own insecurities to open them up to Therapist and our relationship. Did that make sense?
This walk though The Love Dare hasn't just been about learning how to love. I've got to learn to be loved, too. And today's lesson jumped off the pages and said "you've got to appreciate being cherished!"
I don't know what she sees in me. I doubt I ever will. But I do know she loves me in a way that I haven't felt in a long, long time. She's a friend, a good, true, close friend. I want to keep her around, and I plan to.
What is love? I may not be able to define it, but love is patient, it is kind, it is not selfish, it is thoughtful, not rude or irritable, it believes the best, and is not jealous, it makes good impressions and it is unconditional, and it cherishes. But above all, it is fun to love and to BE LOVED.
Project 365/150
---Blackberry in use---
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Project 365/148
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Project 365/143
---Blackberry in use---
Week 10 - Love is Unconditional
God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. ~ Romans 5:8
Unconditional - without conditions or limitations; it is absolute.
Agape love is the kind of love for another that is complete, absolute, and without condition. It is a love of choice, not a love borne of anything the other person has done for us, not how they look, not how they act. It is the most pure form of love.
As emotional, thinking, and rational humans, we're naturally wired to take care of ourselves first. And that selfishness - no matter how big or small - causes us to unconsciously set conditions on friendships and relationships. "He's my friend because he does..." or "She hurt my feelings the other day, and that makes me wonder how good of a friend she really is."
We're called to a higher form of love, the same kind of love that Christ demonstrated for us: Agape - an absolute and complete form of love that is unconditional. Any of us, left on our own to justify to Christ why he should have died for us, would fall woefully short. We've done nothing to deserve his love and sacrifice.
Do we love that way in our relationships? Do we simply choose to love our partners, only because we want to, and we can? Do we choose to love them based on what they do for us, or how they look, or how good of a cook they are... Is our "love" based on things that may change or fade with time? Or are we loving them simply because of who they are? Do we quietly expect our partner to change themselves to suit our own desires? Or do we accept them just as they are?
When I was doing my research to write this posting, I searched for a good definition of Agape love. Agape - a three-syllable word pronounced uh-GOP-ay. The English language also has another meaning for the same sequence of letters: agape - two syllables pronounced ah-GAP with a long "a" in the second syllable.
Agape (uh-GOP-ay) means the love of God and Christ for humankind. Agape (ah-GAP) means to be with mouth wide open in wonder, surprise, and eagerness.
Shouldn't Agape love leave us agape?
What is love? It is patient, it is kind, it is not selfish, it is thoughtful, it is not rude, it is not irritable, it believes the best, it is not jealous, it makes good impressions, and it is unconditional. But above all, it is FUN!
Unconditional - without conditions or limitations; it is absolute.
Agape love is the kind of love for another that is complete, absolute, and without condition. It is a love of choice, not a love borne of anything the other person has done for us, not how they look, not how they act. It is the most pure form of love.
As emotional, thinking, and rational humans, we're naturally wired to take care of ourselves first. And that selfishness - no matter how big or small - causes us to unconsciously set conditions on friendships and relationships. "He's my friend because he does..." or "She hurt my feelings the other day, and that makes me wonder how good of a friend she really is."
We're called to a higher form of love, the same kind of love that Christ demonstrated for us: Agape - an absolute and complete form of love that is unconditional. Any of us, left on our own to justify to Christ why he should have died for us, would fall woefully short. We've done nothing to deserve his love and sacrifice.
Do we love that way in our relationships? Do we simply choose to love our partners, only because we want to, and we can? Do we choose to love them based on what they do for us, or how they look, or how good of a cook they are... Is our "love" based on things that may change or fade with time? Or are we loving them simply because of who they are? Do we quietly expect our partner to change themselves to suit our own desires? Or do we accept them just as they are?
When I was doing my research to write this posting, I searched for a good definition of Agape love. Agape - a three-syllable word pronounced uh-GOP-ay. The English language also has another meaning for the same sequence of letters: agape - two syllables pronounced ah-GAP with a long "a" in the second syllable.
Agape (uh-GOP-ay) means the love of God and Christ for humankind. Agape (ah-GAP) means to be with mouth wide open in wonder, surprise, and eagerness.
Shouldn't Agape love leave us agape?
What is love? It is patient, it is kind, it is not selfish, it is thoughtful, it is not rude, it is not irritable, it believes the best, it is not jealous, it makes good impressions, and it is unconditional. But above all, it is FUN!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Project 365/141
---Blackberry in use---
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Project 365/140
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Project 365/139
---Blackberry in use---
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Week 9 - Love makes Good Impressions
Greet one another with a kiss of love. ~ 1 Peter 5:14
This week's study talks about how easy it is to determine how well a couple is doing by how they greet each other. Basically, how we greet each other (anyone) tells a lot about how much we love or respect that person, our mood at the time, and a whole lot of other things. We give away subtle clues.
It's easy to let our guard down, to relax on our politeness, with someone we see every day. But why? This is the person we love the most...they deserve the best from us. Yes, they're our best friend, and know us inside out. They know when we're angry, moody, depressed....all those things that would cause us to be less than cordial when seeing them. But that person is the one that can make us smile the quickest, and we should be open to that.
I get very moody sometimes, and can get withdrawn when I am. Therapist knows this. I'm learning to not draw her outside my "withdrawn lines" when I do...she wants to be in my world no matter what the mood. And she does it with a simple greeting..."Hi" (except it's drawn out, Southern-style). Depending on the tone, it's either a nice greeting, or an understanding welcome. But regardless, she's always glad to see me. And I like that. A lot.
These postings aren't written to sing her praises, though she deserves them. They're my thoughts on a self-study. How do I greet her? Do I cast off the cares and concerns of the day to give her my full attention? Or do I barely speak on those "down days"?
I know those answers, and I have to be better. She deserves so much more than I can give on my own, but I want to try.
On a side note, Therapist and I spent a huge amount of time this week talking about where we've been, where we want to be, our hopes, plans, dreams. We covered a lot of ground in both the practical, and the theoretical. We're moving forward, one measured step at a time. I cannot say enough about her.
What is Love? It is patient, it is kind, it is not selfish, it is thoughtful, it is not rude, it is not irritable, it believes the best, it is not jealous, and it makes good impressions. Plus, it is a whole lot of FUN!
This week's study talks about how easy it is to determine how well a couple is doing by how they greet each other. Basically, how we greet each other (anyone) tells a lot about how much we love or respect that person, our mood at the time, and a whole lot of other things. We give away subtle clues.
It's easy to let our guard down, to relax on our politeness, with someone we see every day. But why? This is the person we love the most...they deserve the best from us. Yes, they're our best friend, and know us inside out. They know when we're angry, moody, depressed....all those things that would cause us to be less than cordial when seeing them. But that person is the one that can make us smile the quickest, and we should be open to that.
I get very moody sometimes, and can get withdrawn when I am. Therapist knows this. I'm learning to not draw her outside my "withdrawn lines" when I do...she wants to be in my world no matter what the mood. And she does it with a simple greeting..."Hi" (except it's drawn out, Southern-style). Depending on the tone, it's either a nice greeting, or an understanding welcome. But regardless, she's always glad to see me. And I like that. A lot.
These postings aren't written to sing her praises, though she deserves them. They're my thoughts on a self-study. How do I greet her? Do I cast off the cares and concerns of the day to give her my full attention? Or do I barely speak on those "down days"?
I know those answers, and I have to be better. She deserves so much more than I can give on my own, but I want to try.
On a side note, Therapist and I spent a huge amount of time this week talking about where we've been, where we want to be, our hopes, plans, dreams. We covered a lot of ground in both the practical, and the theoretical. We're moving forward, one measured step at a time. I cannot say enough about her.
What is Love? It is patient, it is kind, it is not selfish, it is thoughtful, it is not rude, it is not irritable, it believes the best, it is not jealous, and it makes good impressions. Plus, it is a whole lot of FUN!
Project 365/136
---Blackberry in use---
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Project 365/133
---Blackberry in use---
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Week 8 - Love is not Jealous
Love is as strong as death, its jealously unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire. ~ Song of Solomon 8:6
Jealously comes in two forms - legitimate and illegitimate. Legitimate jealousy occurs when something that is rightfully yours is taken or stolen from you. You're rightfully, and legitimately jealous because you have a right to have it returned to you.
Illegitimate jealously, on the other hand, happens when someone excels, gains, or improves themselves over you or your station in life, and you feel resentment. You think "he's no better than me", or "what did she do to deserve that?"
Illegitimate jealousy wrecks relationships. In a relationship, we're to be the other's cheerleader, and celebrate in their successes. Whether it's a job promotion, a raise, or having more friends...we should celebrate that, and not throw a pity-party for ourselves.
Preventing jealously is about having your love-priorities straight. When we love someone, we will naturally be happy for them no matter what.
One hurdle Therapist and I had to cross, early on, was the fact that I have a large number of friends scattered all over the state. A good number of them are women, and several of those have been through some very traumatic experiences with me. Shared trauma forges strong friendships, stronger than your average friendships. While I don't think Therapist was necessarily "jealous" that I have those close friendships (and guard them closely), she seemed unsure how they could be so strong and deep. I want her to meet every one, and get to know them. I want to share my friends with her, and I want to know hers as well. I'm not sure exactly what I'm trying to get across here... But I believe that a sure-fire cure for illegitimate jealously is to be so involved in each other's lives, that jealously doesn't have a foothold to cling to.
Therapist is far more educated, and far more successful than me. And that is perfectly fine with me. I don't feel any need to "compete" and catch up with her. We're perfectly happy with our stations in life. And that is another bar to jealously - being content with yourself first. If I'm happy with who I am, and where I am in life, then I shouldn't have anything to be jealous about, should I?
This marks the 8th week, two months of walking through The Love Dare. One theme I've picked up through each week is that trials in relationships begin when we assume, or jump to conclusions, about what is going on (or not going on) with each other. In other words, one might formulate an ill-informed opinion about some aspect of their partner's life, or the life of the relationship, and that gives rise to the feelings of either guilt, jealousy, anger, resentment, etc....
I'm so thankful that Therapist and I can talk. We constantly re-evaluate our standing with each other. We don't let questions go un-asked. We're usually pretty quick to apologize. If there's something we're not sure about, we clear things up. We DO NOT want to give any room to those little relationship infections that can grow quietly and become major problems.
This became another ramble. But there's just no way I can put into words the entirety of how well Therapist and I get along and bond. She's a breath of fresh air for me. She either allows me to be who I want to be, or she validates who I am. Either way, I'm planning to keep her around for as long as I can!
What is Love? It is patient, it is kind, it is not selfish, it is thoughtful, it is not rude, it is not irritable, it believes the best, and it is not jealous. Plus, it is FUN!
ps: Last week I wrote how Therapist and I were standing on two sides of an issue. We both had strong, and equally valid points of view. There was no animosity, no arguing, no fighting. At the time I wrote that, we simply hadn't found a middle ground. The day after I wrote that, she shocked me, in a good way, but in a way that I'm still not sure that I fully comprehend. She took a huge leap of faith, one that she didn't have to take, and one that is absolutely Biblical. I won't get into the details here, but I'm still in awe. I knew I adored that woman for a reason!
Jealously comes in two forms - legitimate and illegitimate. Legitimate jealousy occurs when something that is rightfully yours is taken or stolen from you. You're rightfully, and legitimately jealous because you have a right to have it returned to you.
Illegitimate jealously, on the other hand, happens when someone excels, gains, or improves themselves over you or your station in life, and you feel resentment. You think "he's no better than me", or "what did she do to deserve that?"
Illegitimate jealousy wrecks relationships. In a relationship, we're to be the other's cheerleader, and celebrate in their successes. Whether it's a job promotion, a raise, or having more friends...we should celebrate that, and not throw a pity-party for ourselves.
Preventing jealously is about having your love-priorities straight. When we love someone, we will naturally be happy for them no matter what.
One hurdle Therapist and I had to cross, early on, was the fact that I have a large number of friends scattered all over the state. A good number of them are women, and several of those have been through some very traumatic experiences with me. Shared trauma forges strong friendships, stronger than your average friendships. While I don't think Therapist was necessarily "jealous" that I have those close friendships (and guard them closely), she seemed unsure how they could be so strong and deep. I want her to meet every one, and get to know them. I want to share my friends with her, and I want to know hers as well. I'm not sure exactly what I'm trying to get across here... But I believe that a sure-fire cure for illegitimate jealously is to be so involved in each other's lives, that jealously doesn't have a foothold to cling to.
Therapist is far more educated, and far more successful than me. And that is perfectly fine with me. I don't feel any need to "compete" and catch up with her. We're perfectly happy with our stations in life. And that is another bar to jealously - being content with yourself first. If I'm happy with who I am, and where I am in life, then I shouldn't have anything to be jealous about, should I?
This marks the 8th week, two months of walking through The Love Dare. One theme I've picked up through each week is that trials in relationships begin when we assume, or jump to conclusions, about what is going on (or not going on) with each other. In other words, one might formulate an ill-informed opinion about some aspect of their partner's life, or the life of the relationship, and that gives rise to the feelings of either guilt, jealousy, anger, resentment, etc....
I'm so thankful that Therapist and I can talk. We constantly re-evaluate our standing with each other. We don't let questions go un-asked. We're usually pretty quick to apologize. If there's something we're not sure about, we clear things up. We DO NOT want to give any room to those little relationship infections that can grow quietly and become major problems.
This became another ramble. But there's just no way I can put into words the entirety of how well Therapist and I get along and bond. She's a breath of fresh air for me. She either allows me to be who I want to be, or she validates who I am. Either way, I'm planning to keep her around for as long as I can!
What is Love? It is patient, it is kind, it is not selfish, it is thoughtful, it is not rude, it is not irritable, it believes the best, and it is not jealous. Plus, it is FUN!
ps: Last week I wrote how Therapist and I were standing on two sides of an issue. We both had strong, and equally valid points of view. There was no animosity, no arguing, no fighting. At the time I wrote that, we simply hadn't found a middle ground. The day after I wrote that, she shocked me, in a good way, but in a way that I'm still not sure that I fully comprehend. She took a huge leap of faith, one that she didn't have to take, and one that is absolutely Biblical. I won't get into the details here, but I'm still in awe. I knew I adored that woman for a reason!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Project 365/125
---Blackberry in use---
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Week 7 - Love Believes the Best
[Love] believes all things, hopes all things. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:7
Please pardon me if I borrow a lot of text from this week's Love Dare lesson, as there's really no other way for me to capture it like they did...
Early in a relationship, it is easy for us to identify all the positive things about our girlfriend/boyfriend, wife/husband. We mentally categorize and file away all these little notes about nice things they did for us, pleasant little surprises they gave, kind words, actions, etc. These are the things that make us smile when we think about them. The Love Dare called this our "Appreciation" file or room.
But as relationships grow, we start to see more of the little things that we don't like. Just like the positive things, we file all these away. Instances like a fight, disagreement, argument, or when our feelings got hurt, or when expectations weren't met...we tuck them away in the "Depreciation" file.
Over time, this Depreciation file can grow. We know the Appreciation file exists, but we find it more soothing to visit the Depreciation file, if for no other reason than to put ourselves on a higher pedestal - "at least I don't do those things"
The fact is that everyone fails - you and me. We can't fully ignore the Depreciation file, because we know it exists. But we can chose to not dwell in it. Depreciation of another breeds contempt in our hearts. Which file would we rather read??
I'm fully aware that my relationship with Therapist is still "new" in many ways. My "Appreciation File" for her is huge. But I would be remiss if I didn't recognize there are a few items in the "Depreciation file" too. And likewise, I'm sure I've got more than a few entries in her "Depreciation File" under my name. Way more than a few.
But what I do know, is that we don't go looking in those files. We understand that little things will come along, our feelings will be hurt, our expectations won't be met. We're willing, though, to look beyond those temporary (and selfish, when you really get down to it) setbacks. We've committed ourselves to not letting those things get between us.
For example, just this weekend we took two sides of an issue. We both fully understood each others' point of view, and we respected that. But we simply couldn't agree on how or where to find resolution. There was no anger, no malice, just an honest disagreement on a point. Have we resolved it? Not yet. But we're not letting it get between us. It's just sitting over to the side in a holding file, allowing us time to reflect and contemplate. What we didn't do was run to our Depreciation Files and pull out the knives and have a fight. We looked to the Appreciation File, and were reminded of those good qualities that we love about each other (two of which are good communications, and a commitment to understanding) and decided to approach this problem calmly. In the meantime, we've enjoyed a wonderful weekend together. Dinner out, movies, church, sno-cones on a Sunday afternoon.
Why? We know that the Appreciation File contains much more important information than the Depreciation File does.
This week's Love Dare is to write down all the positive things, and all the negative things, that we see in our partner. I'll have to think on it for a while, but it will be done. If Therapist is reading this, I wonder if she'll be willing to do the same. We're not to do anything with the lists yet, that will come in a few weeks.
What is Love? It is patient, it is kind, it is not selfish, it is thoughtful, it is not rude, it is not irritable, and it believes the best! And above all, it is FUN!
Please pardon me if I borrow a lot of text from this week's Love Dare lesson, as there's really no other way for me to capture it like they did...
Early in a relationship, it is easy for us to identify all the positive things about our girlfriend/boyfriend, wife/husband. We mentally categorize and file away all these little notes about nice things they did for us, pleasant little surprises they gave, kind words, actions, etc. These are the things that make us smile when we think about them. The Love Dare called this our "Appreciation" file or room.
But as relationships grow, we start to see more of the little things that we don't like. Just like the positive things, we file all these away. Instances like a fight, disagreement, argument, or when our feelings got hurt, or when expectations weren't met...we tuck them away in the "Depreciation" file.
Over time, this Depreciation file can grow. We know the Appreciation file exists, but we find it more soothing to visit the Depreciation file, if for no other reason than to put ourselves on a higher pedestal - "at least I don't do those things"
The fact is that everyone fails - you and me. We can't fully ignore the Depreciation file, because we know it exists. But we can chose to not dwell in it. Depreciation of another breeds contempt in our hearts. Which file would we rather read??
I'm fully aware that my relationship with Therapist is still "new" in many ways. My "Appreciation File" for her is huge. But I would be remiss if I didn't recognize there are a few items in the "Depreciation file" too. And likewise, I'm sure I've got more than a few entries in her "Depreciation File" under my name. Way more than a few.
But what I do know, is that we don't go looking in those files. We understand that little things will come along, our feelings will be hurt, our expectations won't be met. We're willing, though, to look beyond those temporary (and selfish, when you really get down to it) setbacks. We've committed ourselves to not letting those things get between us.
For example, just this weekend we took two sides of an issue. We both fully understood each others' point of view, and we respected that. But we simply couldn't agree on how or where to find resolution. There was no anger, no malice, just an honest disagreement on a point. Have we resolved it? Not yet. But we're not letting it get between us. It's just sitting over to the side in a holding file, allowing us time to reflect and contemplate. What we didn't do was run to our Depreciation Files and pull out the knives and have a fight. We looked to the Appreciation File, and were reminded of those good qualities that we love about each other (two of which are good communications, and a commitment to understanding) and decided to approach this problem calmly. In the meantime, we've enjoyed a wonderful weekend together. Dinner out, movies, church, sno-cones on a Sunday afternoon.
Why? We know that the Appreciation File contains much more important information than the Depreciation File does.
This week's Love Dare is to write down all the positive things, and all the negative things, that we see in our partner. I'll have to think on it for a while, but it will be done. If Therapist is reading this, I wonder if she'll be willing to do the same. We're not to do anything with the lists yet, that will come in a few weeks.
What is Love? It is patient, it is kind, it is not selfish, it is thoughtful, it is not rude, it is not irritable, and it believes the best! And above all, it is FUN!
Project 365/122
---Blackberry in use---
Saturday, May 1, 2010
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