Just not feeling it....

10:15am, 10/29/09

My body is sick.  My head, my throat, my lungs are sore.  I am tired.  I'm sitting at work, debating whether to go home or at least stick it out through lunch.  I can feel my pulse in my ears, my eyes are halfway closed.

At least here at the office there is light, and people to interact with.  Home is dark, and no one is there to talk to.

So do I sit here and feel bad, in the light, and with people around?  Or do I go home, and sit, where it is dark and quiet?  Neither option presents a good outcome.  Staying here at work means I'll just be more tired later.  Going home to an empty house means looking at four walls and listening to a TV make noise about nothing.

Is my joy slipping, or is this temporary disease robbing me of passion? 

My body is sick.  My mind is numb and disengaged.  I have two books I want to read.  I started trying to read them both, but I'm not connecting with them for some reason.

I almost became angry this morning, angry with a woman that I love.  I did not apologize.  I will.  The anger arose from somewhere within the darkness of this passing illness, and my tired mind.  I did not apologize.  I will.

I'm going home.