Week 8 - Love is not Jealous

Love is as strong as death, its jealously unyielding as the grave.  It burns like blazing fire. ~ Song of Solomon 8:6

Jealously comes in two forms - legitimate and illegitimate.  Legitimate jealousy occurs when something that is rightfully yours is taken or stolen from you.  You're rightfully, and legitimately jealous because you have a right to have it returned to you.

Illegitimate jealously, on the other hand, happens when someone excels, gains, or improves themselves over you or your station in life, and you feel resentment.  You think "he's no better than me", or "what did she do to deserve that?"

Illegitimate jealousy wrecks relationships.  In a relationship, we're to be the other's cheerleader, and celebrate in their successes.  Whether it's a job promotion, a raise, or having more friends...we should celebrate that, and not throw a pity-party for ourselves.

Preventing jealously is about having your love-priorities straight.  When we love someone, we will naturally be happy for them no matter what.

One hurdle Therapist and I had to cross, early on, was the fact that I have a large number of friends scattered all over the state.  A good number of them are women, and several of those have been through some very traumatic experiences with me.  Shared trauma forges strong friendships, stronger than your average friendships.  While I don't think Therapist was necessarily "jealous" that I have those close friendships (and guard them closely), she seemed unsure how they could be so strong and deep.  I want her to meet every one, and get to know them.  I want to share my friends with her, and I want to know hers as well.  I'm not sure exactly what I'm trying to get across here...  But I believe that a sure-fire cure for illegitimate jealously is to be so involved in each other's lives, that jealously doesn't have a foothold to cling to.

Therapist is far more educated, and far more successful than me.  And that is perfectly fine with me.  I don't feel any need to "compete" and catch up with her.  We're perfectly happy with our stations in life.  And that is another bar to jealously - being content with yourself first.  If I'm happy with who I am, and where I am in life, then I shouldn't have anything to be jealous about, should I?

This marks the 8th week, two months of walking through The Love Dare.  One theme I've picked up through each week is that trials in relationships begin when we assume, or jump to conclusions, about what is going on (or not going on) with each other.  In other words, one might formulate an ill-informed opinion about some aspect of their partner's life, or the life of the relationship, and that gives rise to the feelings of either guilt, jealousy, anger, resentment, etc....

I'm so thankful that Therapist and I can talk.  We constantly re-evaluate our standing with each other.  We don't let questions go un-asked.  We're usually pretty quick to apologize.  If there's something we're not sure about, we clear things up.  We DO NOT want to give any room to those little relationship infections that can grow quietly and become major problems.

This became another ramble.  But there's just no way I can put into words the entirety of how well Therapist and I get along and bond.  She's a breath of fresh air for me.  She either allows me to be who I want to be, or she validates who I am.  Either way, I'm planning to keep her around for as long as I can!

What is Love?  It is patient, it is kind, it is not selfish, it is thoughtful, it is not rude, it is not irritable, it believes the best, and it is not jealous.  Plus, it is FUN!

ps:  Last week I wrote how Therapist and I were standing on two sides of an issue.  We both had strong, and equally valid points of view.  There was no animosity, no arguing, no fighting.  At the time I wrote that, we simply hadn't found a middle ground.  The day after I wrote that, she shocked me, in a good way, but in a way that I'm still not sure that I fully comprehend.  She took a huge leap of faith, one that she didn't have to take, and one that is absolutely Biblical.  I won't get into the details here, but I'm still in awe.  I knew I adored that woman for a reason!