Week 7 - Love Believes the Best

[Love] believes all things, hopes all things. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:7

Please pardon me if I borrow a lot of text from this week's Love Dare lesson, as there's really no other way for me to capture it like they did...

Early in a relationship, it is easy for us to identify all the positive things about our girlfriend/boyfriend, wife/husband.  We mentally categorize and file away all these little notes about nice things they did for us, pleasant little surprises they gave, kind words, actions, etc.  These are the things that make us smile when we think about them.  The Love Dare called this our "Appreciation" file or room.

But as relationships grow, we start to see more of the little things that we don't like.  Just like the positive things, we file all these away.  Instances like a fight, disagreement, argument, or when our feelings got hurt, or when expectations weren't met...we tuck them away in the "Depreciation" file.

Over time, this Depreciation file can grow.  We know the Appreciation file exists, but we find it more soothing to visit the Depreciation file, if for no other reason than to put ourselves on a higher pedestal - "at least I don't do those things"

The fact is that everyone fails - you and me.  We can't fully ignore the Depreciation file, because we know it exists.  But we can chose to not dwell in it.  Depreciation of another breeds contempt in our hearts.  Which file would we rather read??

I'm fully aware that my relationship with Therapist is still "new" in many ways.  My "Appreciation File" for her is huge.  But I would be remiss if I didn't recognize there are a few items in the "Depreciation file" too.  And likewise, I'm sure I've got more than a few entries in her "Depreciation File" under my name.  Way more than a few.

But what I do know, is that we don't go looking in those files.  We understand that little things will come along, our feelings will be hurt, our expectations won't be met.  We're willing, though, to look beyond those temporary (and selfish, when you really get down to it) setbacks.  We've committed ourselves to not letting those things get between us.

For example, just this weekend we took two sides of an issue.  We both fully understood each others' point of view, and we respected that.  But we simply couldn't agree on how or where to find resolution.  There was no anger, no malice, just an honest disagreement on a point.  Have we resolved it?  Not yet.  But we're not letting it get between us.  It's just sitting over to the side in a holding file, allowing us time to reflect and contemplate.  What we didn't do was run to our Depreciation Files and pull out the knives and have a fight.  We looked to the Appreciation File, and were reminded of those good qualities that we love about each other (two of which are good communications, and a commitment to understanding) and decided to approach this problem calmly.  In the meantime, we've enjoyed a wonderful weekend together.  Dinner out, movies, church, sno-cones on a Sunday afternoon.

Why?  We know that the Appreciation File contains much more important information than the Depreciation File does.

This week's Love Dare is to write down all the positive things, and all the negative things, that we see in our partner.  I'll have to think on it for a while, but it will be done.  If Therapist is reading this, I wonder if she'll be willing to do the same.  We're not to do anything with the lists yet, that will come in a few weeks.

What is Love?  It is patient, it is kind, it is not selfish, it is thoughtful, it is not rude, it is not irritable, and it believes the best!  And above all, it is FUN!