Today's picture is from a cardiac monitor. If you're not medically inclined, it's not a normal cardiac rhythm. It's not even a true cardiac rhythm. It's the monitor's recording of the actions of my hands attempting to beat a few minutes, hours, or days back into someone's life after a cardiac arrest...at least enough time for this person and their family to say their goodbyes in a more peaceful way, as opposed to letting it slip away in an ambulance full of technicians and an ER full of doctors and nurses.
Today is my birthday. When I look at the wave forms on this strip of paper, I wonder about all the birthdays this person had. The joys and laughter, the sorrow and pain...what did this person experience in their many years? Were they ready for this time to come? Did they expect to have a man twice their size and half their age pounding away on their chest, hoping to give their family some few extra minutes? Or had they loved enough, given more than they could afford, and looked forward to this twilight?
I told the paramedic who was leading this call, "when I'm this age, don't do this to me." A good friend, she understood what I was saying.
I hope when that twilight comes, I will have lived the life I wanted...loved and accepted....
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