Love Dare - Weeks 16 & 17

Note: I know I'm lagging on my "weekly" postings.  This will be the second time I've done two weeks in one.  No excuses.  Just how it is.

Week 16 - Love Intercedes

Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers. ~ 1 John 2

Through the course of a relationship, time exposes things about each other that we may have kept hidden early on.  Not necessarily "secrets", but just those little personality quirks and idiosyncrasies that we all have.  The mother of one of my childhood friends once told me, wisely, that eventually even the most mundane things would begin to begin to unnerve you.  Her exact words were "you'll even get tired of how they hold their fork when they eat!"  I laughed it off, but have later come to see the wisdom in her lesson.  We're all unique, perfectly created people.  It was stated in an earlier Love Dare lesson that if we were all perfect copies, we wouldn't need relationships.  But we're perfectly created by God's hands and in His eyes.  Even our quirks were designed by Him and given to us.  They make us who we are.

We can't change our mate.  We can't re-make them into "our image" - what we want.  They're created in God's image.  If we try to make our mate change their ways, then we're basically saying that God's creation isn't good enough for us.  How arrogant!!! 

What can we do, though, when our mate's little personality quirks become big to us?  Do we complain?  Yes.  Do we try to get them to change?  Yes.  Do we spend a large part of our time together trying to effect that change?  You bet! 

How much time do we spend, though, praying about these issues?  I'd dare say very, very little.  But why not?  Do we not believe that God can make that change happen (if HE wants to?)  Do we not believe that God can change our own hearts to become more accepting of our mate, just as they are? 

Week 17 - Love Promotes Intimacy

He who covers over an offense promotes love; but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. ~ Proverbs 17:9

I've got a handful of friends - extremely close friends - that I grew up with.  We know things about each other that we'll take to our graves.  Not that they're huge, dark secrets; they're just the knowledge of many of the juvenile things we did that we never owned up to.  Truth be known, our parents probably "knew" but were wise enough to let it slide.  Knowing my dad, he'd probably engaged in similar things too.  I'm learning that lesson all over again with my own son, and I'll admit it's quite fun.  As close as those friendships are, they're not the same as the relationship I have with Therapist.  She and I have an amazing friendship, but it needs to -  and should be - more than just a close friendship. 

The same thing that blesses a relationship - deep personal knowledge of each other - is the same thing that can curse a relationship.  Actually, it's not the knowledge, openness, and transparency.  The danger lies in how we - as individuals - handle those things.  Are we scared for someone to know our secrets?  Or are we safe?  That all depends on how our mate handles those things.

Just as in the previous lesson about our personal quirks, do we make our mate feel safe and secure when they're in our presence?  Or do they feel like they have to walk on eggshells?  Are we doing things to "keep the peace" because of fear of ridicule or scorn?  "There is no fear in love;  but perfect love casts out fear" ~ 1 John 14:8

It is completely up to us - as individuals in the relationship - to create an atmosphere of safety, comfort, and acceptance.  We won't make our mate change through shame, ridicule, scolding, and negativity.  That promises we'll drive them away. 

I'm happy that I've got a friend in Therapist that understands how these things work; how they can make or break a relationship.  She truly wants our relationship to work.  We've both been in relationships that failed.  We do not want to repeat history!

What is love?  I may not be able to define it, but love is patient, it is kind, it is not selfish, it is thoughtful, not rude or irritable, it believes the best, and is not jealous, it makes good impressions and it is unconditional, it cherishes, it lets the other win, it always fights fair, it takes delight, it is honorable, it intercedes, and it promotes intimacy.  But above all, it is fun to love and to BE LOVED!!